Eau de Shipwreck
by Red Witch
Summary: After hearing about Lance's love potion fiasco, Shipwreck decides to give it a go himself. Of course he makes an even bigger mess out of it than Lance did!


**I don't own anything. Not even this disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own X-Men Evolution and GI Joe characters. Well since so many of you were clamoring for a sequel for 'Eau de Avalanche' I thought I might as well give the public what it wants. If you thought that last fic was insane, wait until you read this one! **

**Eau de Shipwreck**

"Let me see if I get this straight," Shipwreck scratched his head. "Avalanche made a love potion based on that old tablet I had hidden?" 

"I'm afraid so," Spirit sighed. "And he tried to use it to ensure that Kitty would fall in love with him alone and reject Colossus."

"Tried is the operative word," Roadblock smirked. "To say it backfired is and understatement. Let's just say that boy is gonna spend a lot of time learning how to make mashed potatoes instead of love potions." 

"A love potion," Shipwreck shook his head. "Now I've seen everything. Where is that translation? So the kids won't get at it again." 

"Airtight has it locked up tight in the Joe lab," Roadblock said.

"Good," Shipwreck nodded. "That way no kid can misuse it again! I'm gonna go swing by the kitchens and keep an eye on the boy. I don't think he can be trusted not to sneak over there again. I'm gonna make sure he doesn't do it again."

The other adults nodded. Shipwreck left the room with his parrot Polly on his shoulder. When they were out of range Polly snickered. "Sure you are swabbie!" 

"Well he can't use the potion if I have it now can he?" Shipwreck grinned. 

Some time later Shipwreck was concocting the potion in a storage room somewhere on the base. "Now what do I put in next?" He scratched his head. 

"Double, double toil and trouble," Polly cackled. "Fire burn and cauldron bubble!"

"Keep it down bubble brain," Shipwreck snapped. "Now what the heck is this thing? Barrows Spade? Dang Airtight's handwriting! Oh well, I'll just put in some oregano. That's close enough." 

"This is a recipe for disaster," Polly whistled. 

"Look it's just a recipe," Shipwreck snapped. "For years I've been cooking for my kids without any problems."

"Except when you burn the food."

"You wanna be the next ingredient?" Shipwreck snapped. "Okay all I gotta do now is add a pinch of this. And a pinch of that. Maybe I should add some of this just in case. Yeah. That's the ticket! 

"Uh oh," Polly gulped as the potion turned green and bubbled.

"Relax that probably means it's just cooking right," Shipwreck told the bird. "Now all I gotta do is wait until it cools down and I'll try it out! This will be great! Every girl I meet will fall head over heels for me!"

"Whew! They'll fall all right! Fall from the stench!" Polly squawked.

"I mean it bird!" Shipwreck snapped. "You're gonna end up a feather duster one of these days! Now who shall I test it on? I've got it!" 

************************************************************************

Cover Girl was busy grading some papers in the Misfit living room. Shipwreck and Polly were hiding in the next room. "Okay," Shipwreck whispered. "Operation Love is about to commence. And that fair lady is my first target. Just one little squirt oughta do it." 

He gave a slight squirt of the potion and walked casually up to Cover Girl. "Hey there Cover Girl, how's it going?"

"Fine until you showed up," Cover Girl groaned. "What is it now? I'm kind of busy here!"

"Hey I'm just here to help out," Shipwreck grinned. He purposely leaned over her shoulder so she could get a good whiff. "Wanna grade my performance?"

"Yeah, you get an F!" Cover Girl stood up and threw him over her shoulder into the wall. "Shipwreck I have better things to do than to be annoyed by you! I am out of here!" She picked up her things and left the room in a huff.

"Real smooth swabbie," Polly cackled as he flew in from the next room. 

"Okay, maybe I didn't put on the right amount. Maybe I should put more on and try it at the mansion?" Shipwreck grumbled. 

************************************************************************

Some time later Roadblock and Low Light walked outside. They saw Pietro, Fred, Todd and Althea hanging around. "Has Shipwreck come back from the cafeteria yet?" Low Light asked.

"Come back?" Todd asked. "We were just there to check on Lance. He never showed up." 

"But he said he was going there!" Roadblock exclaimed. "I'm gonna kick his derrière!" 

"I knew it!" Low Light growled. "I told you he was the one who did it!"

"We don't know that for sure," Roadblock said.

"Who else could it have been?" Low Light asked. 

"Okay what did he do now?" Althea sighed.

"You know that love potion Avalanche made yesterday?" Roadblock asked. "Well the recipe is missing from the lab." 

"Oh god no…" Althea groaned. "I think I know where this is going. And I have a feeling I know where he's gone." 

"Oh we gotta come along and see this!" Pietro chuckled with glee. "Blob! Get the camera!" 

Soon they materialized in the X-Mansion. "I think we found him," Althea said simply.

"HEY COME ON GIRLS!" Shipwreck shouted as he ran for his life. "I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THIS TIME!" 

Running behind him was Ororo, Amara, Tabitha, Rogue, Kitty, and Jean. "Don't let him get away!" Kitty screamed as she held a broom in her hands.

"Kill him!" Tabitha flung her time bombs at his heels. "Kill him!" 

"GUYS SAVE ME!" Shipwreck screamed as he ran down the hallway. 

"Okay what did he do?" Althea asked a very bewildered Scott and Logan. He and Logan were simply standing in the hallway. 

"Nothin'," Logan told her. "He did absolutely nothin'." 

"Yeah," Scott told her. "Ten minutes ago he materialized in the room as we were all talking. He said hello, and the next thing we knew every girl in the place attacked him."

"Well women wanting to kill Shipwreck isn't exactly unusual," Roadblock said.

"Yeah but he didn't even have time to make a stupid comment or anything," Scott said. 

"The kid's right," Logan said. "The women just went berserk for no reason. Okay he smells bad but still…" 

"Okay I think I'm getting the picture now," Althea put her head in her hand. 

"YEOW! THAT HURTS!" Shipwreck screamed as something exploded. 

"Well would you mind enlightening us?" Logan asked, folding his arms.

"You know that love potion Lance made yesterday?" Althea asked.

"Vividly," Scott frowned. 

"I think my father got the recipe," Althea said as she watched Rogue grab Shipwreck and fly him outside. 

"And of course he decides to make a love potion of his own," Logan groaned. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to the Misfits," Scott said. "Come on we'd better go help him." They left the room to go out and help Shipwreck.

However no one noticed that the vial that contained Shipwreck's potion had fallen out onto the floor. Professor X wheeled down the room. "What happened now?" He muttered as he saw the damage. "What is this?" He picked it up and sniffed it. He sprayed some on his wrist. "This is a rather odd cologne." 

Meanwhile back outside…

"DON'T LET THEM KILL ME! HELP!" Shipwreck was clinging to a tree for dear life. 

The X-Women surrounded him. "Ready…" Ororo began to charge up.

"Aim…" Tabitha started to make a huge energy bomb.

"Wavedancer you know the drill! Soak 'em all before they go into overkill!" Roadblock shouted.

"You got it!" Althea used her powers to use the pool water to drench the X-Women with water. Shipwreck stayed safe in the tree. 

"What happened?" Jean sputtered. "What were we…?"

"Oh no…" Ororo glared at Shipwreck. "Did you do something with that stupid love potion?"

"Well maybe," Shipwreck gulped as he climbed down. He laughed nervously. "All's fair in love and war and all that stuff, huh?"

To this Ororo simply took a deep breath and punched him so hard in the face he fell flat on his back. She whirled around. "Come on girls," She said.

"Some people!" Kitty huffed.

"Creep!" Rogue spat as the girls went inside. 

"What the heck did you do **now** Pop?" Althea asked as she helped him up. 

"I think I screwed up on the ingredients somehow," Shipwreck grumbled as he rubbed his jaw. 

"Really? Ya think?" Althea remarked. 

"Gee the potion makes women hate you instead of loving you," Fred remarked.

"I kind of figured that part out Blob!" Shipwreck snapped. 

"Why did you do that?" Scott asked.

"Yeah Shipwreck," Pietro quipped. "You usually can make the ladies hate you without any help!" 

"Ha ha," Shipwreck grumbled. 

"I swear you're even worse than Avalanche," Althea grumbled. "But at least he got the formula right!" 

"How come it don't work on you?" Todd asked Althea.

"What? That I don't have the urge to kill my father?" She responded. "I've always felt like that since I was eleven. Besides I think it's because I'm his daughter or something."

"Because she's related to the loon, she's immune," Roadblock nodded. 

"So this is what you mean by keeping it away from the kids huh?" Low Light folded his arms. 

"Okay so I made a little mistake," Shipwreck gulped. 

Logan grabbed Shipwreck by the collar and shot out his claws. "Yeah and maybe I might make a mistake of my own. I might mistake you for a punching bag!" 

"Look I…" Shipwreck started when all of the sudden he heard a small quacking sound. "What the…?" A little brown duck flew down and waddled up to Shipwreck. It started to nuzzle his leg. "Since when do you keep ducks around here?"

"We don't," Logan blinked. 

"What the heck is that duck doing?" Todd asked. 

"I'll explain it to you when you're older," Pietro grinned. 

"It's a sea duck," Althea explained. "No surprise. There is an ocean behind the Institute." 

"Well it should go back there," Shipwreck shook his leg, but somehow the duck clung to him with it's wings. "Shoo! Shoo!" 

"What's going on here?" Polly squawked as he flew down. 

"Not now Polly," Shipwreck said, trying to get the duck off him.

"ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?" Polly screamed.

"What?" Shipwreck yelled.

"You're cheating on me with another bird!" Polly squawked. "How could you?" 

"Are you out of your tiny little mind!" Shipwreck snapped. 

"How could you do this to me?" Polly squawked. "After all we've been through!" 

"Oh for crying out loud!" Shipwreck tried to shake the bird from his leg. 

"HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?" Polly shrieked.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD GET A GRIP YOU DUMB BIRD!" Shipwreck snapped. 

Then another sea duck flew in and started rubbing against Shipwreck. "Oh great! Not another one!" He groaned. 

"I don't believe this!" Polly squawked. "He's cheating on me with not one but two birds! Right before my eyes!" 

"Uh Shipwreck is there something about your relationship with Polly you wanna tell us about?" Scott gulped.

"Wouldn't surprise me," Fred said. "Remind me to tell you the story about this ostrich farmer I once knew." 

"Very funny!" Shipwreck snapped. "Ha! Ha!" Then another duck flew at him. "What the heck is going on here?"

"I've heard of animal magnetism but this is ridiculous," Logan stared as two more ducks flew in. 

"Oh yeah!" Pietro pointed to the sky. "INCOMING!" A huge flock of ducks was flying overhead. And they were all making a beeline towards them. 

"Make like Quicksilver and run for it!" Todd shouted as they fled the incoming ducks. They just barely managed to get inside and shut the door. Soon there were dozens of ducks all over the Institute, waddling everywhere from the roof to the back porch. One was even sitting on Logan's motorcycle. 

"Oh man," Pietro winced. "Do you realize how much of a mess they are gonna leave out there?"

"I wouldn't go barefoot on the lawn for a while if I were you guys," Fred remarked. 

"The Institute's been invaded by Juggernaut, Mystique, Cobra, the Misfits…and now ducks!" Logan groaned. "It's official. Now I have seen everything!" 

"Looks like every duck in the county is out there!" Todd looked out the window. 

"Only my father could try a love potion and screw it up like this," Althea groaned. 

"I thought Avalanche created a disaster," Scott groaned. "But this tops even him!" 

"Hey not even Mt. St. Helen can top my father when it comes to destruction," Althea told him. 

"Well at least we know it attracts something!" Todd snickered. 

**_"Will somebody please get these #@%$$^^$!* ducks off me?"_** Shipwreck shouted as he ran down the hallway with several ducks clinging to him. 

"Actually Pop this is the most action you've had in a long time," Althea grinned. 

"Should we help him?" Todd asked.

"Eventually," Althea grinned. "We'd better get that potion from him first and get rid of it before it causes even more damage." 

"STORM! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" They could hear Xavier shouting. "WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME!" 

"I think it's a bit late for that," Scott groaned. "I'm gonna go see if Multiple has any extra water balloons. Something tells me we are gonna need 'em!" 

"Storm! Please! Listen to reason!" Xavier yelled. "YEOWWWWW! STORM THAT HURTS!" The sound of lightning frying something (Or in this case someone) could be heard. 

"Well at least this wasn't a total loss," Todd smirked. "That'll teach him to send that weather witch out to fry people!" 

"Oh god," Low Light groaned. "Okay remind me when we get back home to break that stupid tablet into a million pieces!" 

"Yeah it'll be great for target practice," Roadblock agreed. 


End file.
